Whether you have overbooked yourself, realized you have a conflict, or otherwise can’t or don’t want to participate in a project, it’s essential to uncommit gracefully. Doing so will keep your reputation intact and your relationships strong.
无论你是自己超额预订、意识到自己有冲突，还是不能或不想参与规划，都必须优雅地取消承诺。这样做将保持你的声誉完好无损，并且你的关系牢固。
Picture it — a colleague asks if you can chair a new committee they’re starting. Without even pausing to think, the first words out of your mouth are, “Sure. I’d love to!” Flash forward, and you’re looking at emails piling up in your inbox and a flurry of appointments on your calendar. It suddenly hits you that you’re spread too thin. You know you need to say no after saying yes, but you’re hesitant to back out of the obligation after you’ve already given your word.
想象一下—一位同事问你是否可以主持他们正在成立的新委员会。甚至没有停下来思考，从你嘴里出来的第一句话就是：「当然。 我想要！」一闪而过，你会看到收件箱中堆积如山的电子邮件和日历上的一连串约会。你突然觉得你同时做太多事情了。你知道在说「好」之后你需要说「不」，但是在你已经承诺之后，你会犹豫是否要退出该义务。
Saying no is never easy, but it’s particularly challenging after you’ve already said yes to a commitment. You may worry that backing out will burn bridges, cause you to be perceived as flaky or unreliable, or lead to you being labeled a poor team player. These fears are heightened for “sensitive strivers” — highly sensitive high-achievers — who tend to overthink situations and have a hard time setting boundaries.
说不从来都不是一件容易的事，但在你已经对承诺说「好」之后，这尤其具有挑战性。你可能担心退出会自断退路，导致你被视为不靠谱或不能信任的，或导致你被贴上糟糕的团队成员的标签。这些恐惧对于「敏感的奋斗者」—高度敏感的高成就者—更加严重，他们往往会过度思考情况并且很难设定界限。
If you can relate, then the thought of retracting your agreement and facing the brunt of another person’s disappointment or anger at you may be too much to bear. This reaction makes sense, since studies show that the brain makes no distinction between possible social rejection and physical pain.
如果你能领略，那么撤回你的协议并对另一个人对你的失望或愤怒首当其冲的想法可能会让人难以忍受。这种反应是有道理的，因为研究表明，大脑没有区分可能的社会排斥和身体疼痛。
Instead, you grit your teeth and follow through with the commitment — sometimes at the expense of your own wellbeing, which backfires. Not only does it result in excess stress for you, but others may be able to sense that you’re distracted, overwhelmed, or resentful.
相反，你会咬紧牙关，坚持承诺——有时会以牺牲自己的幸福为代价，结果适得其反。它不仅会给你带来过多的压力，而且其他人可能会感觉到你分心、不知所措或怨恨。
Here’s how to go about saying no after you’ve already said yes with tact and professionalism.
以下是你已经说「好」之后如何以机智和专业精神说「不」的方法。
Before you deliver the news, make sure that backing out is in fact the right decision. Consider the opportunity cost. For example, let’s say you’ve said yes to a new initiative from your boss, but now you’re having second thoughts about participating. Evaluate how crucial the project is to key business priorities. If the initiative would give you exposure to other parts of the company or allow you to build social capital or new skills, then it may be worth the sacrifice. However, if the costs outweigh the benefits (such as the impact on your personal life or your current projects), then it’s better to withdraw.
在发布消息之前，请确保退出实际上是正确的决定。考虑机会成本。例如，假设你已经同意了老板的一项新计划，但现在你对参与重新考慮。评估計劃对关键业务优先级的重要性。如果该计划能让你接触公司的其他部门，或者让你建立社会资本或新技能，那么牺牲可能是值得的。但是，如果成本大于收益（例如对你的个人生活或当前项目的影响），那么最好退出。
If you’re paranoid that saying no after you’ve already said yes will make you appear irresponsible, embrace the fact that it would be selfish and inappropriate to follow throughon the task knowing you couldn’t complete it. You may feel like you’re being generous and helpful by agreeing, but if you can’t follow through on your promises, it’s not a recipe for high performance, personal happiness, or strong relationships. Plus, consider the positive traits you display when you back out gracefully. You exemplify strong prioritization, time management, and transparent communication — all qualities of powerful leadership.
如果你怀疑在你已经说好之后说不会让你显得不负责任，那么接受这样一个事实，即明知无法完成任务而继续执行任务是自私和不恰当的。同意你可能会觉得自己很慷慨和乐于助人，但如果你不能兑现自己的承诺，这不是获得高绩效、个人幸福或牢固关系的秘诀。另外，考虑一下当你优雅地退出时你表现出的积极特征。你体现了强大的优先级、时间管理和透明的沟通—强大领导力的所有品质。
When it comes time to deliver your message, be assertive and clear without overexplaining. In other words, aim to be direct, thoughtful, and above all else, honest. For example, if you were pulling out of your friend’s committee, here’s what you might say: “When I said I could join the committee last month, I fully believed I had enough bandwidthto do a great job. After taking a closer look at my calendar, I realized I’ve overextended myself and there are several professional commitments I can’t move. This means I won’t be able to participate as chair.”
当需要传达你的信息时，要坚定自信而明确，不要过度解释。换句话说，目标是直接、深思熟虑，最重要的是，诚实。例如，如果你要退出你朋友的委员会，你可能会说：「当我上个月说我可以加入委员会时，我完全相信我有足够的精力和资源来完成一项伟大的工作。仔细查看我的日历后，我意识到我已经过度伸展自己，并且有几项专业承诺我无法动弹。这意味着我将无法担任主席。」
Providing a short explanation or justification as to your reasoning can help your withdrawal be better received. For instance, you could explain, “I know we talked about me joining as committee chair, but when I agreed I didn’t expect a big project would be assigned to me at work. Because of that, I need to decline.” In the case of backing out of the initiative with your boss, you could share, “I’ve had the chance to review my priorities and this new project would stop me from contributing to my core job responsibilities at the highest level. That wouldn’t be the right — or best — decision for myself or the team, so I have to respectfully change my yes to a no.”
提供关于你的合理化的简短解释或理由可以帮助你的退出较好地被接收。例如，你可以解释说：「我知道我们谈到过我要担任委员会主席，但是当我同意时，我没想到会在工作中分配一个大项目。 因此，我需要拒绝。」 如果与你的老板退出该计划，你可以分享：「我有机会审查我的优先事项，而这个新项目将阻止我在最高级别为我的核心工作职责做出贡献。这对我自己或团队来说都不是正确的—或者是最好的—决定，所以我必须恭敬地将我的同意改为否。」
It’s appropriate to apologize and take responsibility for any mistake, misunderstanding, or simply overextending yourself. After all, the other person was counting on you and may have been making plans around your participation. In the case of withdrawing from the committee, you could say, “I’m sorry for any inconvenience this causes. It means a lot that you thought of me for this opportunity and I’m rooting for it to be a success. I can’t wait to hear how everything goes.” Expressing gratitude and ending on a positive tone shows care and compassion.
为任何错误、误解或只是过度夸大自己而道歉并承担责任是恰当的。毕竟，另一个人指望你，可能已经围绕你的参与制定计划。在退出委员会的情况下，你可以说：「对于由此造成的任何不便，我深表歉意。这意味着你为这个机会想到了我，我支持它取得成功。我迫不及待地想知道一切进展如何。」表达感激之情并以正面的语气结束表示关怀和同情。
Propose a different timeline or to reschedule to a new date if you genuinely want to help. Take a raincheck and leave the door open to say yes in the future by saying, “After revisiting my schedule, I need to change my decision and decline this invitation right now. But please keep me in mind for the future. Would you reach out again in a few months?”
如果你真的想提供帮助，请提出不同的时间表或重新安排新日期。改期，留有余地然后说：「在重新审视我的日程安排后，我需要立即改变我的决定并拒绝此邀请。 但未来请记住我。你会在几个月后再次找我吗？」
You can also avoid leaving the person in a lurch by suggesting an alternative. Perhaps you offer to introduce the person to a coworker who can help or a contractor they could hire. Maybe you redirect the person to a resource that can help them such as a community, podcast, or training material that can meet their needs or solve their problem.
你还可以通过提出替代方案来避免让对方陷入困境。也许你提议将这个人介绍给可以提供帮助的同事或他们可以雇用的承包商。也许你将这个人复位向到可以帮助他们的资源，例如社区、播客或可以满足他们需求或解决他们问题的培训材料。
Backing out of commitments isn’t fun or comfortable, but it can provide a valuable lesson and an impetus to overcome people-pleasing tendencies that may be standing in your way of being more successful. Use this as a learning opportunity to build greater discernment around what you do — or don’t — agree to in the future. Going forward, try to say yes only to opportunities that excite you, and ones you have room for.
放弃承诺既不有趣也不舒服，但它可以提供宝贵的教训和动力，以克服可能阻碍你取得更大成功的取悦他人的倾向。以此为学习机会，对你将来同意或不同意的事情建立更大的洞察力。展望未来，试着只对那些让你兴奋和你有空间的机会说「好」。
No matter how thoughtful you are, you may need to occasionallygo back on a promise you’ve made or change your mind. Don’t make it a habit but do approach the situation with sensitivity and consideration to get the best possible outcome.
不管你多么体贴，你可能偶尔需要背弃你做出的承诺或改变主意。不要让它成为一种习惯，而是要以敏感和深思熟虑的方式处理这种情况，以获得最好的结果。
Source:
https://hbr.org/2021/09/how-to-say-no-after-saying-yes